Archive for October, 2008

Chinese Got A Lot Of Hells…

Posted in Miscellaneous on October 15, 2008 by Jeff Carter

“Here’s to the Army and Navy, and the battles they have won.

Here’s to America’s colors, the colors that never run.

May the wings of Liberty never lose a feather…”

As of today, Six Demon Bag is going on indefinite hiatus. I just don’t have the time or the energy to update the blog on a regular basis right now. Sorry to anyone who enjoyed the site. I’ll continue to write and if things change, I’ll be back.

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Lo Pan’s Lunk Dump: 10-09-08

Posted in Lo Pan's Link Dump with tags , , , , , , , , on October 9, 2008 by Jeff Carter

Ed. Note: Lo Pan’s Link Dump is a weekly roundup of the latest geek culture headlines, ripped off gathered from various websites and news sources, all brought to you by your favorite 3,000 year old Chinese sorcerer, David Lo Pan!

Notebook star Ryan Gosling the front runner to play Green Lantern, according to report.  Ugh…another case of a boy sent in to do a man’s job. When is Hollywood going to learn that it’s ok to cast someone over the age of 30 to play a freakin’ superhero? I don’t know, maybe it was just the hyper-idealized way these characters were drawn when I was growing up, but I always picture heroes like Hal Jordan or Superman as chisled, 35-38 year old men, not skinny 20-something college kids who look like they should be in a Starbucks with their laptops surfing Stuff White People Like.

Lethal Weapon 5 Is Being Fast Tracked? Great Googly Moogly. If someone came up to me and asked me what the world needed more, another Lethal Weapon movie or an infestation of giant spiders that implanted our bodies with spider-eggs and destroyed the Earth with laser beams that shot out of their asses, I’d have to think long and hard about that spider thing. Fifty bucks says the bad guy Riggs has to bring down is a big hairy Jewish guy with a huge gold Star of David necklace.

Here’s some pictures and video from the set of the movie adaptation of Mark Millar’s Kick-Ass comic. I don’t know anything about this story, but come on, it’s called Kick-Ass and Nick Cage is probably going to rock another ridiculous hairpiece. Sold!

A sequel to Unbreakable? M. Night Shyamalan confirms he wants to sit down and write it. Unbreakable is the equivalent of Quentin Tarantino’s Jackie Brown. Both of them were great films, but idiotic audiences rejected them because they weren’t Pulp Fiction 2 or Sixth Sense 2. The characters Samuel L. Jackson and Bruce Willis brought to life as a real-world supervillian and superhero deserved to be explored further, but in the wake of the backlash Shyamalan ran screaming away from the property and gave us shit-fests like The Village, Lady in the Water, and The Crappening The Happening. In my eyes, this is the only move that can give Manny his credibility back.

Finally, Zombie fans and Beatles fans now have something in common: Meet The Zombeatles! Goo Goo Gaj–BRAINSSSS!!!

Oops!

Posted in Miscellaneous on October 8, 2008 by Jeff Carter

Sorry about the lack of updates. I’m currently trying to decide if I should continue the blog or not. I don’t have much time to write the in-depth articles and reviews that I would like to, so I’m going to have to mull it over. I should have a Lo Pan’s Link Dump posted by tomorrow afternoon if time permits. Sorry again!

Lo Pan’s Link Dump 10-02-08

Posted in Lo Pan's Link Dump with tags , , , , , on October 2, 2008 by Jeff Carter

Ed. Note: Lo Pan’s Link Dump is a weekly roundup of the latest geek culture headlines, ripped off gathered from various websites and news sources, all brought to you by your favorite 3,000 year old Chinese sorcerer, David Lo Pan!

Kirsten Dunst says she’s back on board for Spider-Man 4. I don’t share the vitriol and contempt for Dunst that the rest of the Internet community has for her (constantly referring to her as “fug” or “Snaggletooth”, etc.), but I certainly wasn’t rooting for her to come back to the franchise either. The video clip in this interview isn’t going to win her any new friends or help her change her perception as a self-involved moron, that’s for sure. “That was two villains combinded, wasn’t it?” Combinded? WTF???

Tron 2 TR2N looks like it’s actually going to happen. YES YES YES!!! No word on if this guy is going to be in it though.

Check out the music video for Jack White and Alicia Keys’ Quantum of Solace theme song “Another Way To Die”. Pfft…lame. Everyone knows this is the best James Bond theme and video. Alicia Keys is liquid sex though.

John Favreau spills a whole lot of Iron Man sequel info, and had this to say regarding Tony Stark’s alcoholism storyline:

“I don’t think we’ll ever do the Leaving Las Vegas version, but it will be dealt with.”

I had a feeling he would pussy out when it came to Iron Man’s battle with the bottle. I’m sure he felt the heat from the Hollywood suits who didn’t want to have anything to do with a raging drunk superhero ruining their lighthearted cash cow. Don’t get me wrong, Iron Man kicked ass and Favreau did a tremendous job, but Stark’s struggles with booze is the defining aspect of his character and the story deserves the full treatment.

My ideal Iron Man sequel would go like this: In the wake of his “coming out” as Iron Man, Tony Stark sinks deeper and deeper into alcoholism, spiraling out of control, paving the way for Jim Rhodes to don the War Machine armor in order to stop the threat of the Crimson Dynamo or other villains that belong to the “10 Rings” organization. War Machine gets his ass kicked and needs help from Tony, who heroically returns as Iron Man at the end of the movie after a heart to heart with Pepper and defeats the enemies side by side with War Machine. Then in the third movie, the Mandarin reveals himself as the leader of the 10 Rings and the huge threat behind everything that has transpired. Hire me Favreau! I’m money baby!

Finally, The CW announced plans for a new show called The Graysons which would chronicle the life of Dick Grayson and his circus acrobat family before they died and he became Robin. Think that “Dawson’s Circus” idea sounds like ass in a can? Well, it gets worse. Smallville executive producers Kelly Souders and Brian Peterson are behind the show and The Graysons will be similar in style and structure to that weekly televised abortion.

Ugh. I bet you a million bucks Dick “DJ” Grayson (Yes, that’s what they’re calling him) will be a sullen, rebellious, emo kid who resents his circus life and will find romance and solve crimes in each new town he visits with the circus. He’ll probably encounter lame, watered-down, non-costumed versions of classic Batman villains too. Wonderful. Wouldn’t a series about a young Bruce Wayne traveling the world learning martial arts and detective skills in his preparation to become Batman be a far better premise for a show? Oh wait, that idea actually makes sense. Nevermind.