Archive for Batman

Lo Pan’s Link Dump 10-02-08

Posted in Lo Pan's Link Dump with tags , , , , , on October 2, 2008 by Jeff Carter

Ed. Note: Lo Pan’s Link Dump is a weekly roundup of the latest geek culture headlines, ripped off gathered from various websites and news sources, all brought to you by your favorite 3,000 year old Chinese sorcerer, David Lo Pan!

Kirsten Dunst says she’s back on board for Spider-Man 4. I don’t share the vitriol and contempt for Dunst that the rest of the Internet community has for her (constantly referring to her as “fug” or “Snaggletooth”, etc.), but I certainly wasn’t rooting for her to come back to the franchise either. The video clip in this interview isn’t going to win her any new friends or help her change her perception as a self-involved moron, that’s for sure. “That was two villains combinded, wasn’t it?” Combinded? WTF???

Tron 2 TR2N looks like it’s actually going to happen. YES YES YES!!! No word on if this guy is going to be in it though.

Check out the music video for Jack White and Alicia Keys’ Quantum of Solace theme song “Another Way To Die”. Pfft…lame. Everyone knows this is the best James Bond theme and video. Alicia Keys is liquid sex though.

John Favreau spills a whole lot of Iron Man sequel info, and had this to say regarding Tony Stark’s alcoholism storyline:

“I don’t think we’ll ever do the Leaving Las Vegas version, but it will be dealt with.”

I had a feeling he would pussy out when it came to Iron Man’s battle with the bottle. I’m sure he felt the heat from the Hollywood suits who didn’t want to have anything to do with a raging drunk superhero ruining their lighthearted cash cow. Don’t get me wrong, Iron Man kicked ass and Favreau did a tremendous job, but Stark’s struggles with booze is the defining aspect of his character and the story deserves the full treatment.

My ideal Iron Man sequel would go like this: In the wake of his “coming out” as Iron Man, Tony Stark sinks deeper and deeper into alcoholism, spiraling out of control, paving the way for Jim Rhodes to don the War Machine armor in order to stop the threat of the Crimson Dynamo or other villains that belong to the “10 Rings” organization. War Machine gets his ass kicked and needs help from Tony, who heroically returns as Iron Man at the end of the movie after a heart to heart with Pepper and defeats the enemies side by side with War Machine. Then in the third movie, the Mandarin reveals himself as the leader of the 10 Rings and the huge threat behind everything that has transpired. Hire me Favreau! I’m money baby!

Finally, The CW announced plans for a new show called The Graysons which would chronicle the life of Dick Grayson and his circus acrobat family before they died and he became Robin. Think that “Dawson’s Circus” idea sounds like ass in a can? Well, it gets worse. Smallville executive producers Kelly Souders and Brian Peterson are behind the show and The Graysons will be similar in style and structure to that weekly televised abortion.

Ugh. I bet you a million bucks Dick “DJ” Grayson (Yes, that’s what they’re calling him) will be a sullen, rebellious, emo kid who resents his circus life and will find romance and solve crimes in each new town he visits with the circus. He’ll probably encounter lame, watered-down, non-costumed versions of classic Batman villains too. Wonderful. Wouldn’t a series about a young Bruce Wayne traveling the world learning martial arts and detective skills in his preparation to become Batman be a far better premise for a show? Oh wait, that idea actually makes sense. Nevermind.

Lo Pan’s Link Dump: 08/27/08

Posted in Lo Pan's Link Dump with tags , , , , , , , , , on August 27, 2008 by Jeff Carter

Ed. Note: Lo Pan’s Link Dump is a weekly roundup of the latest geek culture headlines, ripped off gathered from various websites and news sources, all brought to you by your favorite 3,000 year old Chinese sorcerer, David Lo Pan!

Here’s a link to those fan-made “Batman 3” posters, featuring Kristen Bell as Harley Quinn, David Tennant as the Riddler and some broad named Marion Cotilliard as Catwoman. These are nicely done I suppose, but after Ledger’s Joker and Eckhart’s Two-Face, having these three C-Listers as your villains is like going on a date with Scarlett Johannson and Marisa Miller that ends in some mind blowing sex, then jumping back into bed only to find they’ve been replaced by Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears, and a drunk Verne Troyer.

Speaking of bad Batman casting, the Internet was ablaze this past week with the rumor that Christopher Nolan was in talks with Cher to play Catwoman in the next Batman movie. Of course, this is complete and utter bullshit, but it’s astonishing what people will believe and publish, isn’t it? Besides, Catwoman is all wrong for her, with all the shit she’s had injected into her head, shouldn’t she play Clayface? yuk-yuk!

On the box-office front, Jason Statham’s newest film Death Race got it’s ass handed to it this past weekend, finishing a pathetic third place behind Tropic Thunder and freakin’ House Bunny. Apparently more people wanted to see Anna Faris do her dumb blonde shtick for the five hundredth time and wiggle her ass in a Playboy bunny costume than Statham and a bunch of grimy, sweaty male convicts drive around in armor-plated cars and blow the holy hell out of each other in a Paul W. S. Anderson movie . Actually, that first one does sound more appealing. Sorry Statham fans, here’s a trailer for Transporter 3 to cheer you up.

George Lucas frozen in Carbonite. This is pure fried awesome.

The Dragonball Z movie was rumored to have been shit-canned by Fox executives after they saw some completed footage, but that later turned out to be a false rumor. A true victory for 10 year-olds and morons everywhere.

In other shit-canning news, HBO has stopped development on the PREACHER series because it “was just too dark and too violent and too controversial.” What a bunch of wussies they are. Correction: wussies and hypocrites. So it’s okay to air a series about a Mormon with three wives, a Mafia series where there are weekly murders, a prison drama with full-frontal male nudity and horrific violence, and an expletive-laden Western show with more horrific violence, but not PREACHER. Unbelievable. HBO has absolutely no balls, and if they don’t grow a pair soon, they are going to continue to get their asses handed to them in the original series department by SHOWTIME.  If the PREACHER showrunners were smart, they’d give them a call.

Finally, Warner Brothers released an official plot synopsis for Watchmen, and here’s some gorgeous ‘Set’ magazine covers featuring some close ups of some of the characters. Rorshach is ten tons of awesome!